I completely lost my thread. :(
I went to answer the comments on the blog and my post title disappeared from my mind. This one is the closest approximation but the really good one is missing.
Maybe it will come to me in sleep. :)
Anyway, I had a sort of epiphany today (and the usual place where those happen is bathroom). :)
It doesn't matter what the precise subject was, let me just say it was on relationships (the opposite sex ones) and I realized that the older I am, some things seem to fall into place and I understand those types of relationships better (in this case mine). I also seem to give my partner more understanding for things that would drive me up the wall before.
I'm happy for myself and the feeling that I'm growing as a person. Giving someone else the benefit of a doubt or even, trying to put yourself in their position seems to be nowadays a lost art. Ok, maybe not lost, but not really practised a lot (so, on the road to extinction).
I know I'm far from perfect but I also know I want to be a better person. I want to feel happy and at ease with myself, knowing I didn't do any harm to anyone (intentionally).
At the same time, I'm aware that will not always be possible and people will refuse to listen and hear.
But hey, we do live in an un-perfect world.
Would it be perfect if we all strived to better ourselves? And as optimistic as I am, I don't really think that will ever be possible. But we could all strive to be better and grow as people.
Eventually the world would be such a better place for our children.
P.S. I don't want to delete my post, but it feels like meanderings without any goal. :)
It also feels like I'm following the footsteps of famous Croatian writers, finding inspiration in wine. :)
Oh, Ines! I love this post, and it resonates so closely with the place I am in my life right now. I was speaking to a woman last night who was very anti-marriage. She asked, "How do you know your feelings won't change?"
ReplyDeleteI told her, "Committed relationships are not based on feelings." A parent's relationship with her child, for example, is not severed because the child is especially rude or disrespectful, or even goes through a long period of painful rebellion and even estrangement. The relationship may be damaged and wounded, yes, but not severed. It can't be. And so forgiveness and reconciliation must be ever available to both parties. When we choose to commit to a relationship, we must make the decision right there that showing grace to the other party will be required, and often. And we will need it ourselves.
There is such power in an apology. It changes both parties, because an apology always requires humility on the part of the one who offers it.
Beautiful post. If more people were thinking along that line, the world would be a better place. When someone annoys me, I just remind myself that other people are maybe annoyed by me as well...and put up with a lot from me. We're not perfect, but the will to change for better is a good start :)
ReplyDeleteDear Michelle, thank you for your comment. It made me think about relationships in general.
ReplyDeleteA committed relationship is from my point of view a mix of feelings and reason. :)
There will come a time when feelings will be unfavourable but the reason will prevail and say, it will all come to pass. :)
I think the most important thing about relationships is that they flow and go through great periods when you think "Why in the world did I think we have nothing in common and I wanted to leave?!" and then a week later, you might be considering the fact that this will never work. :)
But it usually works itself out and generally works fine (if patience and understanding are employed).
Thank you Ivana. :)
ReplyDeleteYes, the world would be a better place and when someone tells me that he/she won't behave in an understanding manner because no one else is, I always tell them the change needs to come from you, before you can expect others to behave in the same way.
Calling people out for something you're not doing makes no sense to me. :)
Well, it appears I have also been following in the footsteps of Croatian writers for some time now...I had no idea!
ReplyDelete: - )
"Giving someone else the benefit of a doubt or even, trying to put yourself in their position seems to be nowadays a lost art. Ok, maybe not lost, but not really practised a lot (so, on the road to extinction)."
Being serious for a moment, I agree with this wholeheartedly, though in a relationship you can get an imbalance of course where one party does too much of the understanding and flexing, which isn't healthy either.
Vanessa, I'm glad you're following the tradition. :)
ReplyDeleteYes, you're right, and I hope people will not take this wrongly, I'm not trying to advocate people staying in imbalanced relationships.
But most of the time, a good relationship is still work in progress that is sometimes breaking down and sometimes going ahead of schedule. :)
The most important thing in the end is being true to yourself and not harming others.
Dunno why Ines, but this post has me all teary! Well, I know why - you've illuminated something so organic and essential, what it means to truly Love another human .. and the rapture you get when you realize you've grown into that sweet spot. May we all!
ReplyDeleteSalute, my friend!
Zanne :)
Dear Zanne, I really didn't mean for anyone to get teary. :)
ReplyDeleteBut I'm glad you agree with me, we should all strive to be the best people we can - it won't be easy but it will be worth it in my opinion. :)
xo