Thursday, October 14, 2010

I've been thinking - about being in balance

When I said the other day that I meant to write more, I did actually mean about perfumes but it seems now I'm still at the point where I'm talking more about my thoughts than perfume. Oh well. It'll get better.

I noticed these last years that autumn is just not my time of year. Not that I don't like it, I like it very much. The colors, the smells, the cold seeping slowly around my city, curled with a book while it rains outside and I'm warm, there is just so much to love about autumn. But it just isn't the time of year when I feel at 100%. Or 90 %. Well, at the moment, I don't think I'm more than 60% of my own self.

The things is, this spring, I felt I was completely in balance. I had managed to set my life so I would have time for all the things I love, I was able to write often and everything was moving at the right pace. Then came the time of bad stuff and after that, I just can't seem to regain my balance. I try, and it seems I'm getting there and then something happens, and it seems I'm more behind than I was before.  At least, that's the way I feel now.
I know life will eventually move into my "perfect" balanced routine but I wish it would happen sooner.
One of the things I noticed that happens each autumn is that I cannot get back into my training routine. I start normal when I get back from my vacation and it lasts a few weeks and then everything falls apart.
It seems to me I need to either learn to go with the flow of annual life for me (which is difficult because it makes me feel lazy) or I need to do something with my subconscience and convince it that it needs to let me pursue my ideas and needs at 100% of my usual self. Because I'm usually more concentrated and healthy and optimistic than I am now (or any other autumn until now for that matter).

At the moment, it's only perfume that has the capability to make me sigh in relief. It's worrying when I lose interest in books.  But perfume still holds the mystery and even when it's bad, it's still a new mystery to discover.

Like what I'm smelling today. Tom Ford's Champaca Absolute. I'm baffled by it. I didn't fall in love with it, for that matter, I'm not even sure I like it but it mesmerized me with this austereness emanating from it. That was my initial thought. Bitter and austere (and white). Then I took a look at the notes and noticed Tokaji wine and cognac mentioned first. They don't seem to be in my decant. :) I have no idea where they went, but believe me, I would have noticed if they were around. :)
Champaca Absolute certainly doesn't qualify (IMO) as a winter scent and I need to try it once weather turns warm again. It holds an appeal I cannot understand. It is by no account my type of scent. But I cannot help smelling my wrist over and over again. I'm entranced by a perfume I would never have guessed had that ability. But then again, you never know what awaits you around the corner...


  1. I hope you feel better soon Ines. Keep your chin up and you'll see - things will get better. Regards, Michael

  2. I know what you mean about feeling in balance but I don't think you should be too hard on yourself. I am lazy, unfit and way too addicted to this computer. I neglect household chores and I don't even have any work at the moment, so you may actually be a model of focused and motivated productivity. Everything is relative. : - )

  3. I love this post and I so get what you're talking about with my mother's death in the spring. I, too, am having a difficult time finding the right balance. Thank you for saying it so well.

  4. Thanks Michael, nothing is forever. It will pass.

  5. FS, I don't think anyone should count neglected household chores as laziness. That is just a fact of life. :)
    The problem with me is that I want to do so many things but don't have the time and energy and at the moment, will to do them. I'm sure it will change soon enough.

  6. Thank you Josephine.
    I cannot imagine what you must be going through, I lost someone dear to me almost like a father, but losing one's mother is a thought that scares me too much.
    I hope you find your balance soon as well.

  7. I suppose Yoga also helps in achieving some balance in life.

  8. Hi Haddock, I've heard great things about yoga but haven't tried it yet (I will eventually though). For the time being, pilates helps.

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